A quick poll

Q) Has Watto ever read a book? I don't mean lads mags or anything like that. I mean a proper book with a beginning, a middle and an end and everything. Pictures optional.

a) Yes

b) No

If your answer is a) Yes, then I expect a full explanation.

The kids come to town, and a golden oldie too.

The match was billed as Simon Jones' home debut. What wasn't mentioned was that it was also James Vince's home 20/20 debut (only his third 20/20, amazingly), and on the night it was the teenager with a huge future rather than the 31 year old fast bowler with a huge legacy who walked away with the honours. Having won the toss Cork didn't hesitate to bat first - the track looked a belter, and the weather was such that dew wouldn't really be a factor in the second innings. Gloucestershire had on display their latest Kiwi, Redmond, whilst their usual captain Gidman was probably off sulking somewhere as Porterfield took charge. Gloucs opened the bowling with the spinner Taylor, Lumb whipping the first ball to square leg where the boundary rider made a mess and let the ball go for four. It proved to be the first in a long string of fielding errors that blighted the match. Taylor's first and only over went for eight. Hussain found Adams' edge early on as Hampshire's leading 20/20 run scorer departed early. Vince joined Lumb at the crease and Lumb finally showed the shots that got him a place in the World 20/20 team. A rather funny moment came when Ireland celebrated thinking he had found Lumb's edge, but the Ump said no. after a few words and stares were exchanged, Ireland bowled the next ball which Lumb happily deposited into the crowd at long on.

Lumb was run out attempting a third that was never on, but that only served to bring in Neil McKenzie, who started slowly but quickly matched Vince shot for shot as the pair put on over 100, a flat six down the ground from Vince and THE perfect cover drive from McKenzie (with Adams as runner) the highlights. Both were dropped off the bowling of Dawson early doors, the drop at mid on the very worst of them, but good players don't dwell on past mistakes, as both players found the gaps with ease and 50s were the order of the day. McKenzie brought his up with a monster six but was gone the next ball stumped. Vince plowed on but feathered a Dawson ball to short third man for a brilliant 77. Ervine and Cork were at the crease and after a nudgy start Slug found his range and struck some fine 4s. Cork found the square leg crowd before he found that 2 could not be made into 3 off the penultimate ball of the innings. However that 2 brought up the 200 for Hampshire, whilst Ervine found the long on boundary with the last ball of the innings to give Hampshire a score of 205.

The Gloucestershire innings very nearly got off to the perfect start. Cork found Redmond's edge first ball but Dawson juggled then dropped the ball at first slip. He attoned however by gobbling up Porterloo next over off Wood with a diving catch to the right at first slip again. Redmond looked in good touch before first headering a ball to the boundary then edging a riser from Wood to Pothas in the 4th over. Taylor too struck well before picking out Dawson at mid on. 36-3. Then came the innings that I thought would win the game for Gloucs. Dent and Franklin made batting look easy, giving Slug serious tap including a huge six from Franklin that took about 5 minutes to find the ball. The pair got Gloucs up to 114 with no issues as even Jones appeared nullified once Dent got over the fact that an Ashes winner was bowling at him. It was Briggs who made the vital breakthrough, having Franklin caught on the boundary for an excellent 46 or something. The new man, Snell, did not appear daunted either, as it became clear that the only way to win would be to bowl dot balls. The pair put on 50 in double quick time as the required rate hung around 12-15 per over. Jones came on to bowl the 18th over with Gloucs still needing 47 to win, though with 6 wickets in hand. After a single and a couple of dots, Jones removed the bails with a nice straight one to Snell, and from there Gloucs crumpled. Jones' over went for three, as Dawson was run out by Batty off the last ball of the over and Hampshire were as good as done.

Briggs and his spin was trusted with the 19th over and he started pretty well! An attempted reverse Dent sweep resulted in no bat-on-ball contact, though there was plenty of interaction between the pads and ball for the Umpire to rule Dent out. The slogger Lewis attempted to heave a yorker into next Wednesday, but  as so happens with trying to hit yorkers for six, the end result was Lewis walking back to the pavilion, and Briggs was on a hattrick!! The ball just missed the top of the stumps, but again it was a dot ball. The over went for very few, 4 infact, and Wood had the luxury of bowling the final over with plenty of runs to play with. Vince bucked the worrying trend by taking a diving steepler on the boundary to get Gloucs nine down, before Wood's seemingly trademark run-out off his own bowling ended the innings and a suddenly comfortable victory was the result. The end was certainly not predicted by anyone 2 and a half overs previously, when Gloucs still had 6 wickets in hand, but scoreboard pressure ultimately decided the match. McKenzie's tweaked groin means that he's out of the Essex match, and Carbs replaces him. No other changes are to be made.

DC Watch: With a slight hobble, Dan Christian took part in pre-match training, before running 3 laps of the boundary. I'm of the opinion that he'll be back available earlier than first predicted.

Jones gets a second chance (and I get to see it)

So this evening Gloucestershire visit the Rose Bowl for..... a 20/20 match, shock horror. Looking out the back door now the weather is going to be fantastic, warm and sunny. Hopefully the Royals will bathe not only in sunshine but victory this evening also, as the Gladiators come into the match on a bad run of form and probably about 85% effort. They do however have a boost with the signing of Aaron Redmond at the top, taking thier Kiwi quota to 3, their overseas contingent to 2 and ours to, umm, 0. Still no Christian obviously, though two further days have elapsed on his injury since the last blog. I don't know where Razzaq is, so don't ask me ok? The apparently 'half baked' Simon Jones will get another chance this evening after his horror first two overs on Tuesday. This does however make the batting rather reliant on the top 5, as Dawson will be at 6 and Pothas at 7 with the bowlers from 8 down. Lumb is in desparate need of runs, whilst Slug wouldn't mind a few more to boost his new found image as a genuine allrounder. McKenzie is deserving of his place this time after a quickfire half century on Tuesday, whilst I'd like to see Vince bat at 3. Given the fact that Lumb or Adams will be out in the first two overs, Vince will have plenty of opportunity to take advantage of the powerplays, not that it really stops him anyway from scoring freely. A big game for Dawson I feel, as a batting average of 0.5 isn't really going to cut it when he's only bowled 3.4 overs for 24 runs in two games. Cork and Wood should bowl better than they did agaisnt Sussex and Surrey (that's a given, surely?) whilst Briggs will be hoping to sneak under the radar again. I think that's everyone, past and present, alive and removed. The likely team:

Lumb, Adams, Ervine, Vince, McKenzie, Dawson, Pothas (wk), Cork (c), Wood, Briggs, Jones

Ey, 'twent belly oop

So last night was the first time in a long time Simon Jones got a run out in a county first XI game (the last time was against Hampshire where he nearly got a hattrick - first wicket was Adams, who was clearly just having an off day, then Lamb, which nills any credibility of the hattrick attempt ;) ), and he was a bit undercooked first up. Mind you who wouldn't be after sitting out for two years? All credit to him, after the Davies assault made his figures Ervine-esque (oh, I can't say that now!) he came back well, cleaning up Batty then effecting a run-out off his own bowling. 1-53 is more of a reflection on his first two overs than his last two, though the initial battering was basically the difference between Hampshire and Surrey on the night. Slug continued his fine form with the ball, picking up 3 wickets to take his 20/20 tally to 11, streets ahead of Wood in second with 8 wickets. Probably the worst part was that Cork and Wood both went for lots of runs without getting any wickets. However the good to come out of that is that surely they can not perform as badly as an opening pair again? I guess it was just one of those days for them. Allowing Surrey to get to 200 was a bad showing, but I'm pleased with how positively our batsmen played. Lumb got into double figures, though Slug sadly failed with the bat. Adams piled up some more runs, taking his season total to 278, 142 more than anyone else in the team (McKenzie is on 136). Vince furthered his claim for a permanent spot in the XI by striking at nearly 2 a ball, whilst McKenzie showed he has more than two gears by blasting a 50 that was actually quick enough to be a good effort given the total. Alas it wasn't enough and we finished 11 runs short.

As I said some good can come out of this game, and I'm nowhere near as suicidal as I was after the Somerset match. Ervine must be on drugs or something, how can he bowl so brilliantly?? Adams is still amongst the runs, Vince can become the aggressor at the top that we have been lacking since Lumb lost form. McKenzie earned his salt, Cork and Wood will bowl much better, Dawson can only improve on his batting average of 0.5, whilst Briggs still appears to be a handful with that wide delivery stance that sends the ball from a tree to the batsman. A real disappointment is Nic Pothas, who appears to have lost 'it', though I have my suspicions that Slug and Adams have found 'it' and split it between them. It may be worth our while giving Bates a run in the team - he is the future after all, and with Pothas struggling with various things, age one of them, perhaps it is time to say enough's enough. Oh, and 3 days have now elapsed on Christian's injury time out :D

A right old mix

So, where to start? On Friday night a right thumping was handed out to the Royals by those idiots at Hove. Bloody Murray Goodwin. Next day Hampshire travelled to Bristol to play Gloucestershire infront of the Sky cameras (only them - there was no crowd). Gloucs won the toss and chose to bat. Pitch looked decent, nice warm sunny day and we skittled 'em for 68 (!!!). A combination of good bowling, good field work and diabolical shot selection made Gloucestershire's batting look as commanding as a giraffe on ice (bbc's new celebrity contestant show). There were two double wicket maidens, one for the mightily impressive Wood and one for Slug, who was made to look like Courtney Walsh on a minefield (ITV's new risque Saturday night show). Slug finished with figures of 4-1-12-4, as even Danny Briggs got in on the act and Dawson bowled 2 full overs for 4. In reply Hampshire seemed to have learnt the lessons of the Kent and Somerset game by chasing down the total in 7.3 overs, the fastest ever non-weather affected chase. Lumb and Adams played ok, Adams showing there was nothing in the pitch by driving 3 balls for four through the covers. Fired up Steve Kirby got rid of both openers in an over and bless him he had his moment, though not even he knew that Gloucs would get anything from the game. James Vince and Slug came to the crease and in his first 20/20 game Vince scored 26 runs, 24 of them in 4s. Slug ended up 15* from 7 balls, whilst McKenzie danced down the track to his second ball and creamed Banerjee over long-off for a one bounce 4. Gidman tried to look interested on Gloucs' behalf by moaning to the Umpires about the scoreboard, but the game was over, done and dusted, Slug man of the match and an early dinner for Hampshire.

Not all good came out of the game though. Dan Christian bowled two balls, including a perfect yorker, then hobbled off clutching his calf. He's out for two weeks and Hampshire's overseas troubles continue. On a happier note, Simon Jones is reportedly fit to play the Tuesday game against Surrey. Bloody hell.

If this was Pakistan...

So Hampshire have been docked 2 points for next year's 20/20 competition after preparing a pitch for the Somerset game that nearly killed two of our batsmen. Thankfully, we were not condemned to a tirade of abuse that accompaines every mash-up of the Wembley surface - Athers said it wasn't fit for county cricket, a couple of other people said it was a terrible wicket, the umpires submitted their report and the ECB handed out a punishment that was accepted by Hampshire Cricket. This sequence of events, however, would have played out slightly differently if the E in ECB was changed to a P:

- The umpires would have called an early end to the match, with the players and officials being lead off the pitch by security whilst being bombarded with objects from the crowd.

- Discontent would spill onto the streets of Southampton, as many thousands of angry people would display their anger by trying to set fire to clumps of soil.

- A High Court investigation would follow, with the umpires flown to a different part of the country, then flown back again just so that the media could say that the umpires were flown in to give evidence. A late-night break-in of the groundsman's house would be carried out by MI5, seizing 'evidence' such as 4 copies of 'Gardeners' World' magazine, a lawnmower from his shed and a few potted plants.

- The heavy roller at the Rose Bowl would deny all knowledge of the wicket in question, however a shaky video would then be released as an 'exclusive' to the news channels showing a late night, unofficial meeting between the pitch, the heavy roller and the groundsman. The heavy roller would then hold an emotional press conference admitting to its involvement in the scandal, saying that it felt used by the groundsman, and that it was threatened with being replaced by a shiny new one if it did not comply in the pitch preparation. Accusations of taking money would be flatly denied.

- The court case would rumble on for about 4 months, as various groundsmen from around the country, officials at Hampshire, players, unpires, tv crews and the Somerset 12th man would give evidence in relation to the pitch.

- Hampshire captain Dominic Cork would suddenly retire from all levels of the game and move to the south of Spain straight after. After the 4 months, the High Court would rule in favour of the umpires, deeming the Rose Bowl wicket to be unsafe for all levels of cricket, claiming it to be a danger to the game in general. Neil McKenzie would be handed a 16 month ban for getting an 8 ball duck, whilst Hampshire Cricket would be deducted 20 points for each of the following 10 seasons for their involvement. The Hampshire Groundsman would be handed a life sentence, but would go into hiding ala Imran Khan at the first site of government officials. The heavy roller involved in the debacle would be sentenced to the scrap heap, whilst Nic Pothas, Sean Ervine, Michael Lumb and Abdul Razzaq would each receive twelve month bans. Marcus Trescothick would receive an 8 month ban. Jimmy Adams, the only batsman to play with ease on the pitch, would receive a six month ban. Each player would be fined £20,000 for their involvement too.

- 3 months after the ruling, the head groundsman would come out of hiding and be installed as head groundsman at The Oval, Cork would come out of retirement, return from Spain and take up the captaincy again. The heavy roller would be put back together again, whilst the bans on all of the players except Neil McKenzie would be lifted. All fines would be reduced to £5 each for administration fees, whilst the umpires would be elevated to the ICC Elite Panel. The punishment handed out to Hampshire cricket would be reduced from 20 points for the next 10 seasons to a 2 point deduction for next season only.

If this was Pakistan, and the PCB oversaw the this incident, we'd get the same eventual punishment. It would take 7 months, but we'd get it.